Freezing Hands

Woke up later than I had hoped today. From the moment I was awake, til the moment right now, I have had a truly splendid AFI day. The title of this is not so much a play off of new song, as much as it is a set feeling for the whole day.
Why?
Because today was the first real day of Autumn here. It was cool enough for jackets out during the day, and tonight it was actually cool enough to make my hands shiver in the cold. But it doesn't have to be cold at all to do that, I have terrible circulation you see.

Drove 40 minutes to Dothan to get my copy of Crash Love, on the drive there I shouted along with Black sails and the beginning of Sing the Sorrow. When I got to the mall, I went straight for what I was there for, Crash Love. I actually had a hard time finding it in Hot Topic, although it was right to the left of the CDs the whole time with it's own display.
The clerk that I see literally every time I go in there was quick to swing around the jewelry and show it to me. It's always nice to see her pretty face. She's also the only other DFer I know in my whole area anymore. It's a little weird, but I always sorta had a crush on her. haha

Got a shirt, the regular CD (because jewel cases last longer than cardboard) and a pin all for 21 bucks. Quite a deal if you ask me!

Drove home and jammed out to Crash Love. Ears were ringing when I got home.
You know that video Hunter did in the LP about tambourines? When I blasted the CD, you can hear tambourines on "It Was Mine" HAH! And you though it was a joke!





During the afternoon, I made some neat stuff for my blog and Myspace with the LP stuff we got last night. You can see all of that here [LINK]
And I had learned that my good DF buddy Alex was able to get into the Roxy, which was amazing for him. I wasn't quite so excited until I heard the music they played on KROQ. The boys were in prime form tonight from what I heard and they stupefied me with how great the music was. Davey's voice was strong and not as strained as it was in IHAV. Solid vocals, solid bass, drums, and some great change ups in guitar that really kept the songs fresh. SOLID EVERYTHING.
I can only imagine how amazing it would have been to be there. My heart could have very well exploded out my chest.

The album, is amazing, the art work is great, the boys live are amazing. I'm besides myself with crash love. Crash in the sense that I hope it lasts and runs until it breaks. Until every last bit of life is squeezed out of AFI. And I'll tell you something, I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. No sir.

I'd like to share a picture, though it's not the whole band, and I love every one of the boys, but this one is just a really good picture that Alex took at the Roxy tonight.


AFI, you still mystify and bedazzle me.
♥♥♥

Goodnight!

Elegy

Written at about 6:30 am before sleep has visited me. It has no rhyme scheme, or syllable build, no poetic devices. More of a... well... Spoken word if you will?
I don't know if it's the appropriate thing to say, but,
Enjoy.


Words are spoken
Hollow spells form lies
Bonds are forged to fickle forms
A touch of crimson, a rush of peach

The mirrors of their souls
Reflect false images
Hands grip one-another
For reasons misconstrued

Compassion is shared,
With devious undertones
Greed and lust take hold
As hands slip from the wheel

Numbness consumes and desires are filled
Sensation, redefined as a parody is formed
New feelings replace the old
No one noticed the shift

That which was profane
Now, is common and accepted
The life line once so sacred
Now, an organ, red and simple

Stars and light
Elation and ecstasy
Things and People that bring these
All tools in the main goal

Surely the change in the weather
Is just a rain drop in the ocean
But this, is an elegy for all hearts
This is the death of love

Poetic collection from the past 2 years

---------------------------
Getting Lost in the Trees
---------------------------
Getting lost in the trees
I know these are the keys
The woods see the live and the dead
As I could only envision in my head

Walking alone in the bliss of Spring
This means nothing and yet everything
Glimmers of sunlite, like crystalline filigree
Caress my skin as warmth comforts me

There is love in heartbreak
Loneliness in company
Lite kisses in winter
And in self sacrifice, vanity

I trace the lines, thin and deep
Branches know the words we dare not speak
Intertwining woes and joys, of present and past
To predetermine our futures, made in brittle glass

Harder to break
Easier to shatter
We all whisper the query
"Do we matter?"

They wear the weight on their fingers
Yet reach past where our gloom lingers
If I could bathe in their leaves so deep
And understand why even those without eyes do weep

For a moment they are still and silent
Their wonders now explained so violent
I know now just as I knew all along
What is it that happens when we are gone


We will not be forgotten
Lovers with hearts of wood
Never turn rotten
And all the poetry we have spoke
We leave with others now
For them to tote

Our souls will drift down distant seas
As our memories twirl in the breeze





---------------------------
Unfinished Love'song
---------------------------

A gentle kiss to start the day
To open my eyes to in a whole new way
She moves across the room, transfixing my gaze
with brilliant flashes of blue, and red, of grey

Ice over in my heart, I suffer it the everyday
A warm touch, a single kiss, brushes the frost away
You twirl through the room, teasing silly romances
You are my light in the tunnel, that sings and dances

as perfect, and divine as it can get
Yet strange, and, broken I feel
That we have never met




---------------------------
This is not a poem
---------------------------

There are things which need to be said
Things I've never said
And most of all, things I think are better off not said
I am one as a lover of life
An idealist of sorts
Yes, an idealist with uncommon ideals
One who sees life as precious
Despite the crime
One who is faceless
And stands in no line
The clock ticks
Faster, slower, the slower still
Then it repeats
Much like the breaths I myself take every day
Struggling, reaching, grasping
Then struggling once more
I don't expect you to understand
Or anyone for that matter
Nothing has changed from before
And did I mention that this is not a poem?
Oh no, I can't say it is
No.
All that I write here is true
Nothing has changed from before
Despite your inability to comprehend
this is me
It always was
I'm a failure in all I do
I accomplish a lot
These are are unwilling to hold up anything
And which is true?
Though I fall, and you reach for my hand
I'm afraid I've packed too much for this trip
Your strength could never be enough
I wonder if you get it
The blue color I have painted myself.
This is a choice
This is a burden
This is a violent movie
This is autumn's sweet song
This is important, that no one sings along
Do you understand?
This is not a poem.





---------------------------
Colors of the Crow
---------------------------


Such beauty
The colours of the crow
As it flies, it weeps

Only I know
Unable to show
It's colours with glee

But I am the crow
And those colours are me




---------------------------
Butterfly
---------------------------

Such gorgeous wing, with vibrant colour
You really are a sight to behold
Though I could stand in your beauty
and admire you 'til I grow old

I feel such empty gazing is unhealthy
So I'll gather myself and make my leave
I'm sure you don't need me anyway
You've got your flowers in this world you weaved

Why ever would you need the company
of such an unbecoming passer-by?
Surely you'll find someone to chase you as you wish.

But never I.





~Flutter On By~
~Butterfly~






---------------------------
Truth
---------------------------

The world's a place
I wish not to live
With those who take
but never give
The young cry out for something
They know not what
The zombies of our time
sit around in their ruts
It's times like these
I await annihilation
It's times like these
I long for absolution
But death reminds me the mistake of my call
and those words of wisdom, on deaf ears fall




---------------------------
The Energy in us All
---------------------------

Take a piece
A piece of me
Pass it to another
unknowingly
Take a piece
Take all of me
Soon you'll all be
a part of me.



---------------------------
Sanctuary
---------------------------

Deep down
near the jagged path of memories
lies a brittle house
My sanctuary
Where life is my lover
and anger is my friend
I sit and think
silly thoughts of men
In this house
of wood and tin



---------------------------
Bleak Poetics
---------------------------

Help me now
I'm sinking slow
I hold your hand
but you might soon let go
Your ignorance
I do not mind
but now you've left me far
far behind
Sitting in a pit
I beg for escape
I've lost my life
I've lost my faith
Even now you walk alone
under the illusion that I still tag along
Yet in my hole, I still remain
and in your memories, I am but a stain




---------------------------
Muse
---------------------------


Like the moon that parts the clouds every night
She comes to me again
The one that haunts my mind
The one I cannot find

With a voice like glass
and tasseled hair
With eyes that are longing
and sing of despair

The mists clear
The ravens cry
My heart erodes
and she is here

Whispering lullabies that leave me speechless.
Whole.
Running her hands across my cheek
fragile, so pale.

Our loves are one
ours souls are free

She disappears
Never to be

We all have those black days too

Woke up this afternoon to a text message of my girlfriend telling me she wanted to break up. That it wasn't that she didn't like me, just that she enjoys being alone more. That she'd rather not be in a relationship at all. Day goes on depressingly until my mother comes in and tells me she needs to borrow some money from me. I don't have any left to give her. So she asks me to go to one of those FastCashNow places and help her get some. So I went up there, was late for work, got her 100 of the 250 she needed for a bill.
When I got in to work, they sent me home because I called a minute before I was supposed to be there. So no work tonight. Or tomorrow night, since it was supposed to be my 2 month anniversary and and I had asked for it off so I could do something nice for my girlfriend. Now I'll spend tomorrow probably playing AFI songs on Guitar Hero 5 and looking for a new job. I know it's nice to have a job at all... but As it stands, I only have 8 hours this week. Most people work that in a day. I can't live on this.

I'm ready to go now. Life isn't blooming here. I have no one holding me to this place anymore, and everything around me just makes me sick to my stomach. There's a taste in my mouth and it feels like death and ashes... I just want to move on, forget this day, and have something brighter to look forward to. People who appreciate me and a job that will bring me enough money to live on. Too much to ask for?

Probably.